Cultural Misunderstandings

This evening, I went to Taichung to visit a former student. She was my student at UC Davis three years ago. When I told my Taiwanese friends about this visit, they all said something to the effect of, "Ohh! A girl!," which I found rather immature.

I figured I would have dinner with my friend, then stay at a hotel or in a spare room, then walk around Taichung tomorrow. I had thought that my friend was staying with a relative, but it seems the whole family is there: she, two brothers, mom and dad. Mom and dad are recently retired and are settling in Taichung after many years in Southern California in the U.S. My friend, one brother, and her father picked me up at the High Speed Rail station. I talked to my friend about her dental school and my job at TaiDa.

We went to the apartment complex in which my friend's parents live. There's a small restaurant in the complex. I ate dinner with my friend and her brothers. She said that the family had plans the next day. I said that was fine and that I could get a hotel room and just explore Taichung by myself tomorrow.

My friend said it was okay if I stayed in the extra room. She would take me to the Sogo bus station in the morning, so I would know how to get the the High Speed Rail station tomorrow. My friend, her brothers, and I play a Japanese copy of a Nintendo Wii. I am terrible at Mario Cart, Bowling, and Tennis.

My friend's mother comes to the apartment. She's friendly. We all sit down and eat fruit. My friend tells me that she is sorry that she wasn't clear about the situation. She says that her parents want to take me back to the High Speed Rail station tonight and have me go back to Taipei. I said if they were busy tomorrow I could just leave and see the city by myself, but they insist that I go back to Taipei. I am 32 years old, not 12, so I don't understand why I'm being told that I have to go home. My friend seems upset because the situation is so confusing. She tells me that I can't stay because only she knows me; to her parents, I am a stranger. I understand. But she says that the family doesn't know Taichung well, so they can't recommend a good hotel. My friend says that Taichung can be dangerous and the reason her family wants me to go back home is because they feel they are responsible for me, so if I stay by myself and get hurt, they will feel a great deal of guilt and shame.

I agree to go back to Taipei because I don't want to embarrass my friend. If I didn't think that it would have hurt my friend, I would have just left the apartment and asked someone at the front of the apartment for directions to a good hotel. The father drives me back to the station; the mother sits in the front with him. My friend and I are in the back. The talk more, the same type of conversation we were having before (about the city of Davis, school, Taiwan, etc.). When we get to the High Speed Rail, I think about telling my friend that I will just wait at the station for awhile, then go back to town by myself. (I'm glad that I saw my friend, but I feel that I've wasted NT1400 if all I do is eat dinner and go home.) But her mom comes with us. They change my ticket from tomorrow to ten minutes from then, and they both walk me to the track entrance. My friend says, "Nice to meet you," even though we already know each other. She changes it to, "Thanks for coming to see me" when she realizes her mistake. Her mom says, "Be safe."

On the ride home, I am a little upset about wasting money and not being able to see Taichung, but I also have plenty of work to do in Taipei, so it isn't the worst thing. I also think that I should see a friend from half a world away if she is only an hour from me, even if it is only for a few hours. Still, I don't really understand what happened. I don't mind respecting the wishes of a respectable group of people, but it seemed that, to respect them, I had to let them disrespect me, for it's not dignifying to be forced to leave town when you are an adult.

What interesting and confusing cultural misunderstandings have you had in your life?